As I approach the two month mark, which is the official halfway point of my time in Beijing, I am starting to feel the growing pains. Part of this is due to my lack of homesicknesses the first weeks of my time here; it hit me like a ton of bricks and all at once. I am convinced I’m in the late stages of homesicknesses though, I feel like I shouldn’t be going through the feelings I’m currently experiencing until I am home.
In the two months that I have been in charge of my own life, I have discovered a few very significant things about myself. I am able to live apart from my family and friends, I just prefer not to. I have a level of patience and self control I was not aware of, and most importantly I am in love with God. I knew I loved God before I ever got into this program, but I’ve fallen in love which is totally different experience. This is where the growing pains have started, in falling in love with Christ I have begun to find less and less need for things I used to desire to fill me. There is no longer that void in my life, which has made me incredibly joyful and sorrowful. Growing up isn’t just about getting older, it’s about choosing the path you want to walk down. My path is carry on only and not everything that is currently in my life is coming with me. When I go home the woman I am now, I’m sure where I will fit. I’m not scared of what is coming, but that doesn’t make letting go easier.